Dreaming of complete strangers with no face, or of places that look like an unused page in a coloring book may seem strange to you, unless you are the person having these said dreams. Unless you are someone who doesn't even see the future that's staring them in the face. Or the person who is never sure about anything. The one with randomly planned futures, where Irony is the everyday norm. I am one such person. A walking oxymoron if you please. A person surprised by the daily routine of complete unknowing. The future is so unclear, but I can see through the looking glass, and let me tell you, for one so bright, the future looks unbearably dim. I enjoy my solitude, but long to be with one other human being. My life is so boring; going through the day by day trudge of the known, where the unknown, the random, the ironic, likes to rear it's welcome head.
I went to the movie by myself again the other night, but that really doesn't have anything to do with anything (did I mention that I wear sarcasm well?). I absolutely love movies and books like that can take me to another place and time. I enjoy them, thinking the whole time "Why can't that really be me?" I often space out watching my favorite soap opera, wondering what it would be like to be part of that world. I know that things like that could never be real. But, what if…WHAT IF…they were? Would I be sitting here wallowing in self pity, knowing and curious about what tomorrow will bring? Would I be alone? Would I be me at all?
What if you were someone else entirely? What, I know a lot of you often wonder the same thing! I always try to picture what it would be like to be the pretty, fresh face girl out with her loving boyfriend, looking adoringly into his eyes? Or the black and red haired goth chick in Hot Topic, who just really doesn't give a damn? And what about the High School senior on the cheerleading squad, who is popular, but also one of the nicest people in the world (there I go with irony again)? I know that none of these people's lives are perfect, but there are times when I want to try on a new pair of shoes.
I've never really liked myself very much. I tolerate myself, but that doesn't mean I feel completely comfortable in my own skin. I feel so out of place all the time, like I SHOULD be someone else entirely. I got déjà vu today in the gas station when a girl about my same age, got out of one of the oldest ford pickup trucks I've ever seen (1960's I think), and started to pump gas into it while running her long fingers through her even longer chesnut hair, barely noticing the guy coming out of the shop carrying a red bull and smiling when their eyes met. It wasn't déjà vu of having seen the girl before in that time and place, it was déjà vu of me being the one pumping the gas into my old truck, running my fingers through my hair, and smiling at the cute red bull guy. Freaky right?
Maybe I think too much, but I get déjà vu like that all the time. I've spent a lot of time trying to figure out what it all means, but I'm thinking (what's that smell…smells like burnt rubber), maybe I should just give up trying to figure it all out and take it as it comes. Yeah, that's not happening. I'm too curious for my own good. If I were a cat, I'd be dead 10 times over (mind you, cats only have 9 lives).
Well, I've already started a forest fire with all the thinking I've done in the last 10 minutes, so I'm gonna take a break to go smoke myself a cancer stick, but not before I find the key to turn my brain on Blonde mode (sorry, that was a bad blonde joke!)

This is your captain saying "Have a nice flight, and please don't die on me when the plane crashes."